Being bullied is a horrible experience. There can be an overwhelming sense that you have been disempowered. You can feel as if somehow you have been separated out for victimisation.
There is a fine line between persuasion and bullying. In some cases the bullying is plainly evident by the other party’s persistent aggressive behaviour. You may be suffering violence, being deprived of your liberty, or not being allowed to travel through certain areas without having your path blocked. You may be made to do things against your will.
At other times though, there can be much confusion around whether bullying is taking place at all. Perhaps you may be asked to do things by people of authority who have the right to do that and you simply do not want to do those things. You may think you are being bullied but it might not be the case.
There is also the question of whether there is any acknowledgement of bullying between you and the person or persons you believe are bullying you. Some bullies are very public in their bullying. It is as if they think they are earning a trophy for that bullying and public humiliation. They may even be demonstrating to your friends or colleagues that they can bully you. This is called overt bullying.
Other time the bullies may bully you out of public awareness. This means they are very careful and do all the bullying behaviour so no one else can see it or be aware it is happening. They go to great lengths to scrupulously hide their behaviour, knowing that what they are doing is bullying but not wanting to be caught. This is called covert bullying.
So how can you tell if you are being bullied?
1. It depends on what your culture defines as bullying because each culture may see acceptable or unacceptable behaviours differently. It also depends on what the laws in your country define as bullying.
2. In less obvious cases you need to think about what has been happening to you, write it down and ask an independent party what they think is happening. You are the person who perceives they are being bullied and are too close to make an objective assessment. Your experience is subjective and what you are experiencing may be clouded by emotions. You may not be able to make a good judgement because of the high level of your anxiety about the situation.
3. Are you being physically assaulted in any way? Signs of physical bullying can include:
Being pushed unnecessarily
Bring spat on
Someone hitting you
Being pinched or punched
Having your path blocked so you cannot pass
4. Signs of verbal or mental bullying can include:
Constantly being called derogatory names
Being excluded from gatherings when you have done nothing wrong
The spreading of untrue rumours
Being talked about maliciously behind your back
Being forced into situations, created by others, where you constantly look foolish or are embarrassed
There are many different ways to bully someone and they are always specific to the situation. The test has to be whether you are being treated in an unreasonable and demeaning manner that put you at a disadvantage.
If you or the independent person you have asked to assess the situation think you have been or are being bullied and it has affected you detrimentally, you need to do something about the situation. Doing nothing is not an option because you need to make yourself safe.
Talk to your independent person and find out what can be done to resolve the situation or make a complaint to the relevant authoritative figure. Go through official channels and ask for help to keep yourself safe.
Ensure you get emotional support. This can be from a friend or family member, or professional therapist. Hypnosis and cognitive behavioural therapy can help you through the difficult emotional stress.
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